Boston: 4-15-13

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” ― Isaac Asimov

Not many details are known and the ones that are are absolutely heartbreaking. One of the two dead in the initial explosion was an eight year old. As the mother of two, I felt dizzy when I heard. The explosions were already hard to grasp, but I hadn't even started to think about child victims. I forgot there were children there cheering for their moms and dads.

Boston, we love you. You're wicked tough, and you'll pull through this!

Glamoflauge.

When my MAC Studio Finish Concealer started to run low, I turned to my favorite two sites: Pinterest and MakeupAlley. Pinterest suggested Hard Candy's Glamoflauge Heavy Duty Concealer. It's $6 and only available at Wal-Mart. On MakeupAlley it has a 3.9 out of 5 and a 73% "would buy again," which is actually higher than Studio Finish is rated on the same site.

I've been using it for a week, and I love it! It doesn't crease or fade! I'm not sure how long a tube will last, so I can't actually say if it'll be a better deal in the long run. We'll see. But I'm seriously considering buying a second tube for my purse. Even spending $12, I'm still not at the cost of a pot of Studio Finish.

I haven't used the pencil that comes with the tube yet. The instructions state to use it for tattoo covers. You could also use it for blemishes. It's crazy tiny! I'm afraid to throw it in my purse because I know I'll lose it.

Mission: Maggie

I wrote this post in October 2011. Did you read it? Did you see that foreshadowing? IT'S LIKE I KNOW MYSELF.

So in October 2011 I was apparently under the impression I was starting over for the last time.

What I find tough to swallow is how much progress I actually had made. I was touching my toes which, for me, was almost as exciting as doing the splits.

What I didn't document, and don't remember, is giving up. At some point I quit stretching. In January 2013, the tension in my entire body was unbearable; even my usually comfy mattress hurt me.

I decided to start my Positivity Proposal, and number two on my list was stretching. I never did get around to writing about number two, although I was doing back, neck and shoulder stretches daily.  I still do them a couple times a week, in fact. My original intent was to add leg and hip stretches until I became a Limber Linda but instead, when life got hectic, I let all exercise be forgotten.

Now look! I can't touch my toes! It's almost my 32nd birthday and I CAN'T TOUCH MY TOES.

So effective immediately I'm reinstating the Positivity Proposal but I'm rebranding. It will now be known as Mission: Maggie. (I may have a thing for alliteration.) I feel the new name better represents my evolving goals, and I'm excited for the reboot!

Below, my husband and I try to take a picture with our puppy.

Halloween 2011: Clowns.

In 2011, I uploaded some pictures of our scary clown Halloween costumes.  To this day, that post still gets page views. The pictures were poorly uploaded because it was before I knew I could change the settings. So today I'm sharing the pictures of our costumes (that I happen to still have on my phone).

My Six Life Lessons.

I make grand plans. If I followed through on even 10% of my ideas, I'd be in amazing physical shape, have an impeccably styled home and be broke as a joke because I spent all my money on fad workouts and new flooring.

I view my time, money and very short, sometimes intense, attention span as hot commodities; they're in demand and not widely available.  Here are my six life lessons (so far):

1. Make time. There is always time for what matters in life. Yes, you have to drive your son to soccer practice every Friday, but instead of sitting in silence while music drowns out any chance of conversation, ask him what music he likes. BUT MAKE IT INTERESTING! Make him choose from your radio stations. This is how I learned my nine year old likes Third Eye Blind.

2. Do your chores. My house is rarely spotless, but I feel ready to take on nearly anything after I clean a room. The kitchen is usually my quick fix. After I wipe down the counters and load the dishwasher, I usually feel like the world is looking a little brighter.

3. Live so your friends wonder how much money you make.  No, not like that. We live in three bedroom 1960s slab ranch. It has one bathroom.  It's the last house before a city park, and we live only five houses away from the local elementary school.  My husband and I both work full time; I was promoted in 2012. This home was a choice we made. 

4. But don't be Scrooge McDuck.  This lesson took me a minute to learn. It's OK to spend money sometimes. This weekend we went out to eat as a family and were discussing Clue in the car on the way home. It sounded so fun my husband turned the car around, and we went to Target to buy the board game. We played three games on Saturday and two on Sunday. Can I tell you how excited I am that the kids are old enough to understand and enjoy Clue? Best $20 spent so far this month.

5. Allow yourself to flit. If I force myself to concentrate, it has the opposite effect: I shut down completely!  I find if I simply keep the end goal as an ever-present panic simmering just below the surface (thanks, anxiety!), I can flit around from project to distraction to unintentional nap back to the task at hand and it all works out!

6. Know when you've had enough. In addition to my ADD tendencies, I have an addictive personality. I now know this about myself and can uninstall games or apps that are a bad influence for me. That was a tough lesson to learn, one that came with about 50 pounds of weight gain! I was a big MMORPG gamer for a while, getting multiple characters to max level. I spent over a year in front of my laptop chasing the proverbial carrot and gaining a bunch of weight in the process.

Being in my early 30s, this list isn't nearly complete. I look forward to learning more about myself!

Once bitten, twice shy.

In February, we had new carpet put down in the hallway and bedrooms. The boys also got new beds. While there are still a few things I'd like to do in their rooms, overall I'm very satisfied with the transformations. The problem,  however, is that I've been bitten. Bitten by the home improvement bug!

This isn't the WORST bug to be bitten by, unless you have a big ol' tax bill due by 4/15, a puppy having surgery on 4/16, and two boys in extracurricular activities (one in private violin lessons & orchestra and one in soccer). But that's just about every human's tale. So what is a girl to do?

Get her butt on Pinterest. I've picked out the flooring for the kitchen & dining area, even opting to do it myself to save money. I'm no novice; I've tiled before. Just in case, though, I've been reading articles as if I'll be tiling this weekend.

I've also decided to dedicate an entire gallery wall to art I've created. I have a Pinterest board full of ideas.  Estimated cost: Who knows?  Lots, probably.

Looking for investors.

new hallway carpet.

I've got another confession to make. I'm your fool.

I have a confession: I haven't told anybody about this blog. It certainly isn't a secret,  as I link to it from both Pinterest and Twitter,  but I haven't proactively mentioned it.

I've kept a blog, in some form, since the late 1990s. This blog has been around since 2007, with a complete purge in 2011. People knew it existed, but I've not mentioned I'm writing again.  Mainly because I'm not saying anything. The other reason is because I don't enjoy the real life conversations that occur when someone reads your ramblings.

Them: I read your blog.
Me: Oh yeah?
Them: I had no idea you didn't know how to paint your nails.
Me: ...yeah. It never came up.
Them: That's weird.
Me: Sure is...

I'm fancy.

I'm terrible at painting my nails.  Awful.  You would truly think I grew up without nail polish, or maybe I was the only girl with seven brothers. Nope. I bought at least two bottles every time a new Avon campaign started, and, although I was an only child, I had three aunts not even six years older than me. I'm a girl. A girl with no future as a manicurist.

I recently found Gelous, though, a non-UV gel nail polish. Now my poorly applied nail polish lasts for about five days without a chip! So I can look like a kindergartener who got into the finger paints FOR FIVE DAYS!  Sold.

Not gonna lie, totally found the product on Pinterest.

This Is 31.

I recently watched This Is 40. I thought I'd like it more.  Maybe it touched too many nerves for me: raising kids, struggling in this broken economy, parental issues as an adult child, remembering to not take your spouse for granted after 10+ years of marriage.

I think I need to see it again. 

Lady Lumps.

My back has been itchy this week. I figured it was dry skin and took special care to dry myself off really well after my shower this morning. But all day long today, my back was itchy. "I'm wearing a sweater," I thought, "Terrible idea in this dry weather."

Cut to me changing into my comfy clothes tonight. I touched my back and was horrified! It felt like tiny pimples! All over! I called my husband in to tell me what it looked like, and after trying to figure out what I've done differently in the last few days, it dawned on me: I changed not only fabric softeners but dryer sheets, too.

So now my dilemma: Do I rewash all my clothes? Do I rewash EVERYONE'S clothes? I did some spring cleaning Easter weekend so I did a bunch of laundry. This is a bummer. Not as big a bummer as being covered in contact dermatitis...

Hello.

I've returned.  And like all New Year's Resolutions, the Positivity Proposal has fallen by the wayside.  Although I no longer check Facebook 469268 times a day. I actually haven't checked it in about 18 hours. 

I don't miss it. I don't miss Twitter,  either, as I also decided to limit my involvement there. I only access my account a handful of times a week now. Mainly while watching RuPaul's Drag Race.

Busy.

I'm overwhelmed. I feel like this isn't living. I truly hate the glorification of busy. I grew up in a house that glorified being busy; I was taught, even if nonverbally, if you aren't busy, you're lazy.

Now, in my 30s, I see that busyness is running away. I see it's distraction. Or, in some cases, it's trying to survive.

Stop glorifying busy. It's the enemy.

Etsy.

Real posts just aren't coming right now. I've been taking joy in browsing Etsy. I've been an Etsy shopper for years, but I just recently started curating treasuries. Today, one of mine landed on the front page!

Stress.

I haven't updated in a bit because I've been having a rough few days. I don't like airing my dirty laundry, so I've been keeping to myself. I will say, however, that I. Am. Stressed.

I'm starting to return to my normal self physically (stomach bug!), and I hope once I do, I'll feel able to handle everything else I have on my plate. I need to. The only way out is through.

Onward.

Keepin' it real.

I don't feel like a changed woman yet. I'll be honest here, I'm a little disappointed. I wanted to FEEL the change beginning to roll in, even if I couldn't see it yet.

I'm well aware I'm being unreasonable! We live in an instant gratification world! That's why credit cards exist!

I can feel the changes beginning from numbers two and three, which I haven't discussed yet, but number one is a bust so far. I'm going to keep on keepin' on, though. Hopefully it's too soon to tell.

Number One: WTH?

I don't like who I become on Facebook. We've covered this. So why, when I was stopped in traffic for two hours and 15 minutes on my way to work this morning, did I live blog the event? I felt dirty as the comments began to roll in.

I should have spent the time reflecting, maybe. Thinking how lucky I was that wasn't me. Appreciating my warm car when it was 8° outside. Hoping those in the many (MANY!) accidents were and are OK.

Instead, I Facebook'd. And then, even worse, I grew annoyed when people commented.

So I've made a few adjustments:

1. I only have one "Close Friend" now: my husband. In the past, I had many. If this is going to work, those updates need to stop. (Because I certainly can't ignore them!)

2. I've filtered who can see what I post by default. Since I don't plan to completely disappear from Facebook, I've simply cut down on the chance of getting a frustrating comment.

3. I've completely unsubscribed from Those People. You know them. The people you enjoy in real life but on Facebook they repost things in 30 seconds because OMG THEY LUV THEIR DAUGHTER! You can't unfriend them.

Onward.

Number One.

1. Check Facebook Less.

I should clarify that this is not a FOMO issue; this is an issue I have with Facebook. I actually find that I'm affected by reading my feed. I become unhappy, and I tend to post articles I know will upset political extremists.

I buy into trolling and comparing. I've had to block people from showing up in my feed - family members even! - because I was taking their status updates too personally. I feel badly about myself, I think bad thoughts about them. It's not good for my mental health or my relationship with these "friends" offline.

This is not their fault, it's mine. Number One on my list, it became (also, I'm Yoda).

Positivity Proposal: Suggesting a successful outcome

Inspired by The Happiness Project, Positivity Proposal is my take on improving my quality of life.

I have three items I plan to work on for 30 days. After those 30 days are up, I'll evaluate and add three more. They may or may not be related to the last three.

I plan to baby step my way to wellness. And that's OK.